Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
