I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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