dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
