If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
