yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
