member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
