I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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