I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
