Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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