And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
