Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Randomize
