Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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