I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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