We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
