I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
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