debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
God I need to hump something, right now.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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