Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I just blew my weed a kiss
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
