His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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