I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
