My balls are so social today.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
