all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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