I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I could fuck to npr.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
