I want to have your abortion
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
