just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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