i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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