My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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