I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
