Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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