Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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