i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
