"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
