Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
