So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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