Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
