you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
