I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
this beer tastes like vomit already
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
