Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
