Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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