She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
