If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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