You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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