he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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