so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Randomize
