guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
