having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
found the other keg... it's in the tree
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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