yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
We had to coat check the pizza.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
