i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
