Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
