idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
