I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I still have a little drunk in my system
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
