You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
