You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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