That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
