I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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