brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
