the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
