I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
