ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
