Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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