I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
