we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
