the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
