She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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