Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Randomize
