where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Randomize
