Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I think my moral compass just broke
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
