...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
