that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
