I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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