I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
